So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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