I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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