I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
