he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
