We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
