what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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