I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
