yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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