How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
