Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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