I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
