Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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