The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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