Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
