judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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