I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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