the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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