The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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