What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
