Just mADE A PArabola og urine
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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