Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
