I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
