Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
