I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
