He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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