Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
