You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
