I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
