I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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