from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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