he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
