did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
