I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
