did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
