Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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