dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
