this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
