2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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