I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
