The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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