question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
