I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
