hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
