oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
