Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
