I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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