We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
