I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
