i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
