Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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