Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
